


life goes on

by stmwtbp



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-12 05:39:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9058075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stmwtbp/pseuds/stmwtbp
Summary: AU set just before somebody to love.  Serena never told Raf how she felt about Berine even though she still left, she also never told Rick about Bernie.





	1. Chapter 1

A tall woman in a long beige trench coat stood facing the entrance to the hospital, it had been a few months since she had stood in this very spot, filled with so much hope and expectation, it was meant to be the start… well re-start of something glorious. She stands there today with not as much hope as before but still a faint glimmer that it all could fall back into place. 

It was then she saw her, she was sat on a bench hugging her coffee, she looked tired and upset, but god there was something about her, even in that moment she looked effortlessly beautiful, she had short black hair and even though her makeup was smudged she still looked radiant, the tall women found herself drawn towards her, in a way she had never been before. The tall women in the trench coat started over to the women on the bench, as she got closer they made eye contact and the lady in the trench coat heart skipped a beat, for the first time since the day she left Holby City vowing never to return. 

The lady on the bench could not help but look up at the women heading her way, her heart skipped a beat and for the first time in months she could feel her self smiling, the women had the most beautiful smile she had ever seen, her eyes were wide and full of hope and joy. She could believe this woman walking towards her could ever want her, let’s face it she was the wrong side if 50 and a broken mess. a beautiful younger woman got closer someone called out. ‘damn she thinks.’

“Serena your needed back on AAU” Raf shouted. With that she jumped up and ran into the hospital. 

The tall women in the trench coat took her first breath in what felt like a lifetime. She made a metal note that Serena would be on AAU today and decided she would make it her goal to see her again. She headed up to Hanssens office and knocked on his door.

“Come in” Came the reply.

“Mr Hanssen”

“Please sit down. Welcome back to Holby City.”

“Thank you, it’s good to be back. So Mr Hanssen why did you want to see me?” She said wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. 

“Well as you know there is a position on AAU which you would be perfect for but I have one concern.”

“Which is?”

“Well it is common knowledge why you left the last time and I need to know that you will not let what happened effect your working relationships especially as we have just got the trauma unit on AAU up and running.” Hanssen probed.

“You can be absolutely assured that what happened is well a truly in the past and all I want to do is move on.” The women said, although it was a total lie she was still besotted with her ex, if you could call her that, was what they had even a relationship. 

“Good that was what I was hoping you would say. That will be all, I believe you are late for your shift on AAU.” With that the tall woman in the trench coat stood up and headed to the locker room to change. 

Once the tall women had changed in to her blue scrubs she made her way to AAU, making sure to keep an eye out for Serena. As she headed onto the ward she could not only see but her the staff whispering about her and what happened, she made it to the consultants’ office took a deep breath and knocked.

“Come” a voice said from inside the office.


	2. Chapter 2

Serena was sat in her office staring off into space, attempting to do paperwork, but as hard as she tried the only thing she could think of was the women in the trench coat. Serena could not get the mental photo of the women out of her head with her perfect bone structure. Serena was leaning back on her chair smiling, promising herself she would find the women in the trench coat again, if only it was to look at her and take her in and commit every inch of her to memory. After all Bernie was never coming back, she had made her choice, it was about time she moved on she decided and wow what a way to move on she thought.

Serena glanced up at the clock, 10.20 she thought, where the hell was this Alex Dawson she was meant to be here 20 minutes ago, she was already starting to dislike her and she had not even met her yet. All she knew about her was the little snippets she was told from Bernie no Ms Wolfe she corrected herself. She knew Alex was one of the best trauma anesthetists in the country and she was lucky to have her, even though she almost said no to Hanssen, what a mistake that could have been. Serena could not figure out why Alex chose Holby after all Bernie had ran to the Ukraine, did she even know Ms Wolfe was no longer her she thought, was that the only reason she was here, to win Ms Wolfe back.   
Even though they had a trauma bay other hospitals had bigger and some people may say better trauma facilities, so it could not be because of that she thought. Serena decided she would make it her task today to find out why she was really here. Although Serena’s first task was to find the women in the trench coat she thought smiling, wishing she was still sat on the bench looking at the goddess walking towards her. 

There was a knock at the door which startled Serena, she sat upright and made herself look busy. “come” she said as the door opened.

As soon as the women entered the office Serena’s heart skipped a beat. The women in the trench coat was stood in front of her, only this time she was wearing her o so tight blue scrubs. Serena could not help but stare and marvel at how the scrubs hugged the womens toned thighs, Serena couldn’t help but imagine those legs wrapped around her waist lightly squeezing her and she pressed her up against the supply closet door, Serena could feel her cheeks going flush. Serena’s eyes started moving up the womens body and reached her scrub top which was tightly hugging her curvaceous hips, although Serena would much rather her not have the top on at all. Serena was finding it hard to concentrate, not sure how long she had been staring at the women Serena finally managing to form a sentence as she held up out her hand “Serena Campbell, and you are?”. She was hoping the women had not noticed she had been staring at her.

There was no danger of Serena getting caught staring at the women as the women had been doing exactly the same to Serena. 

As the women entered the office she could not believe her luck, sitting there was the beautiful lady from the bench was looking up at her with those amazing brown eyes, only this time she had touched up her makeup and she looked unbelievable, the women could not help but stare at her glorious red lips, and she could not help but notice that the lady was biting her bottom lip, that action alone sent a shiver shooting straight though the women standing by the door. The women found her eyes being drawn downwards, the lady was leaning on her desk and the women could see the top of her red lacey bra, oh how the women would love to see the rest of that bra and get to slowly peal the bra from her heaving breasts. With that thought the women realised she had be staring at the beautiful women sat in front of her, but for how long she did not know. She was about to introduce herself when the other women managed to sting some words together.

“Serena Campbell, and you are?” her voice was stern but soft, the other women thought she would not want to get on the wrong side of Serena Campbell.

She took a breath and swallowed hard “Alex…Alex Dawson your new anesthetists”. Serena couldn’t quite believe it, she took a deep breath and said. “Well welcome we have been looking forward to your arrival.”

“Sorry for being late Mr Hanssen wanted a word” Alex said finding it almost impossible to not stare.

Serena nodded still finding it hard to form sentences. “Right let me show you around and you can meet the rest of the team.” With that Alex turned around and headed out of the office, making sure she wiggled her hips as she left, determined to distract Serena. Serena could not help herself, her eyes were drawn south and could not help but stare at Alex’s backside swaying. 

They both headed towards the nurse’s station. “Everyone gather round please” Serena shouted. With that slowly everyone gathered around the nurse’s station. Alex made sure she was stood next to Serena but half a step behind her so she had an excuse to glance over at her.

“I wanted to take this opportunity to introduce our new anesthetists Alex Dawson, I’m sure you will all make her feel welcome, Ms Dawson a few words.” Serena wanted to see how she would do on the hop.

Alex stepped forward making sure to lightly brush past Serena and give her a nice try look. “Well hi there, I look forward to working with you all. This is all a bit different to what I have been used to, my last job was in the RAMC as an anesthetists. I served 4 tours overseas alongside some of the best surgeons and doctors there are. I have to say I am looking forward to getting stuck into the new trauma bay, although I’m sure Ms Campbell here is doing a great job managing it herself.” With that Serena jumped in “I’m sure Ms Dawson will get a chance to introduce herself to you all individually over the next few days.” Serena smiled at Alex “Alright troops back to it.” Alex said with a smile. With that Raf and Fletch stood to attention and saluted, much to the amusement of the staff. “I see you two are going to be trouble” Alex quipped back.

Serena had to admit she was a bit disappointed that Alex had managed to think on her feet and give a good speech. “Nice try Ms Campbell, it will take a bit more than that to throw me off my game.” Alex said winking at Serena. “Right Ms Dawson I believe I still have to give you a tour” Serana says playfully. “Lead on” comes the reply. This time it was Serena’s turn to distract Alex, Serena made sure wiggled her hips and looked over her shoulder smiling “This way Ms Dawson.”

They got to the end of the corridor, “Ms Campbell we need some help here.” Morven called from the other side of the ward. With that Serena and Alex turned on their heels and ran towards Morven.

“What have we got Dr Digby?” Serena asks.

“He’s crashed, I think there’s some kind of internal bleeding.” Came the reply from Morven.

“Right let’s not mess about straight into theatre” Serena said. “Let’s see what your made of” Serena said winking at Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think.  
> More to come.


	3. Chapter 3

The surgery was pretty straight forward, Serena found the bleed in the abdomen and stitched it up without much trouble, although she found herself getting distracted by the dark-haired beauty sat at the top of the patient. Serena pondered why she always seemed to full for the anesthetist, first Edward then there was that guy called John a few months after she broke up with dear old Edward and now Alex, oh a then there was Bernie.

While closing up the patient Serena found her mind wondering, she found herself torn between what she could have now with Alex and what may never be with Berine. She loved Bernie that was not in doubt but was she in love with her or was it the idea of her or the fact she was a woman. Bernie had opened her eyes to how good life could be, at 51 Serena had thought that was that she was going to live the rest of her life never loving or being loved by anyone else, I mean who would want her. Bernie had parachuted into her life and shown her that she could still be wanted still be loved, or so she thought. But if Bernie really loved Serena she would have stayed or at least explained herself. Serena pondered this for a few minutes and then it hit her at her age she didn’t need complicated, she just wanted simple and easy if that was ever attainable.

Then there was Alex, she was here and well seemed interested. Serena had caught her staring in the office and it made her feel sexy and wanted, more than can said about how Bernie had made her feel. Even if this didn’t turn out to be her last great love at least she would have fun finding out. It wasn’t every day that a younger far more attractive women or man for that matter found Serena attractive. Oh and Alex was well absolutely gorgeous, which of course was a bonus. 

Sod it Serena said to herself why not have a bit of fun, to hell with Bernie. Serena decided Bernie didn’t deserve her. It was about time Serena did something for herself and if that happened to be Alex then so be it she thought smiling to herself.

Meanwhile Alex was having great trouble trying to remain focused on the patient’s sats. The way she had positioned herself meant she could keep one eye on Serena, which normally would be fine but every time Alex looked at her she would find herself getting lost in her glorious brown eyes. Alex was captivated by the dark haired women, she seemed to have a hold over her that Alex could not seem to shake. Alex had always been attracted to the older women, Bernie was a perfect example. But there was something different about Serena yes, she was beautiful oh god almost heavenly Alex thought. But Serena seemed to have this aura about her, Alex got the impression that she was strong and independent, but she was not to be crossed, and that she trusted few but when she did trust you she would be fiercely loyal and forgiving. Alex decided to make it her mission to get Serena to trust her and get close to her, even if this didn’t turn in to anything it was always good to have allies.  
Serena and Alex were scrubbing out and standing in awkward silence at the sinks not wanting to be the first one to break the silence.

“So what brings you back to Holby then?” Serena’s the first to break the silence.

“Well I finished my last tour and was given the option of 10 more years or retirement. I almost took the 10 more years, but it was time to stop running and start living my life.” Serena couldn’t stop the grin on her face. Finally, someone who doesn’t want to run she thought.

Alex continued “I was about to accept a job up in Scotland and then out of the blue I got a call from Mr Hanssen and he told me there was a position on the trauma team and I could not resist, and since Ms Wolfe had moved on I thought it was an opportunity I could not turn down, so here I am.” There was a slight pause and Alex had to ask. “So why did Ms Wolfe move on?”.

“Well she was offered an opportunity to set up a trauma unit in the Ukraine and it was too good of an offer to turn down, we tried to keep her and she almost stayed but true to form she ran.” Serena was trying hard to keep it together.

“Yah she’s good at that” Laughed Alex. “I guess you heard about me and Bernie then?”

“Yes, I think the whole hospital knows, but to her credit as he kept her head held high and carried on, you know she was outed on the ward by a patient who over heard the nurses talking.”

“No really?” poor Bern Alex thought.

“So Ms Campbell”

“Serena please.” Came the reply.

“So Serena if you don’t mind me asking what was it the got you upset this morning on the bench?” Alex knew she was taking a risk asking that question.

Serena was a bit taken aback by that question, but figured best to be honest with Alex now so that if anything did happen between them there would be no lies or awkward conversations and anyway she is finding surprisingly easy to talk to Alex, not even with Bernie was it this easy. “Oh that a moment of weakness you could say. I was about to send my ex a text, just to see how she was” Alex smiled ’she’ she thought. “You see she was not sure how she felt about us and who she was and decided it was best to leave before anything got to complicated. And I guess it was the right thing to do at the time but it did cut deep. I don’t want her back though I just wanted to make sure she was ok.”

“So did you send the text then?” Alex asked

“No, I guess that when she’s ready to talk she will contact me.” Serena thought about telling Alex it was Bernie but feared by telling Alex it may put a stop to what could happen between them and Serena could not risk that.

“Well if you ask me she was a damn fool for letting you go.” Alex was now staring into Serena’s eyes. As she finished the sentence she couldn’t help herself and she started to lean in to kiss Serena and as she did she could feel her knees go weak. But just then both their pagers went off and Alex pulled away clearing her throat. “No rest for the wicked” Alex said as she turned and headed for the door.

Serena stood there for a second to steady herself, she could not believe that their damn pagers had gone off, she could see that Alex was leaning in to kiss her and she wanted nothing more in that moment that to feel Alex’s soft glorious lips on her and with that thought she felt a jolt of desire shoot through her.

The rest of their shift went by quickly and Serena found herself haplessly looking around the ward for Alex every chance she could.


	4. Chapter 4

Later Serena was sat at her desk totally engrossed in paper work and oblivious to anything or anyone else. Alex was stood in the door way of Serena’s office leant against the door frame just staring at Serena her eyes drinking in every inch of the beauty sat before her, she couldn’t help but wonder how good Serena’s blouse would look haphazardly thrown over her computer screen and Serena pushed up against that filing cabinet, legs wrapped around Alex’s waist, Alex could feel the heat rising and she couldn’t believe how turned on she felt just by looking at Serena, she had to bite her bottom lip to stop herself from letting out a moan.

“Are you going to come in and close the door, sometime tonight.” Serena said smiling pulling a bottle of shiraz and two glasses from her top draw. 

“Ummmahh o..ok” Was all Alex could muster closing the office door.

“So what was you thinking about Ms Dawson while you were staring at me” Serena teased biting her lip and raising her eye brow suggestively. All this while Alex was closing the only blind still open in the office.

“Well I was thinking how great you blouse would look draped over your computer screen.” Alex replied sitting on the edge of Serena desk and accepting the glass of wine.

“What else were you thinking?” Serena replied with a suggestive smile, looking over the top of her wine glass, resisting the urge to reach over and run her hand up Alex’s thigh.

“Well Ms Campbell I was also thinking how good you would look up against that filling cabinet with your legs wrapped around me.” Alex hadn’t noticed Serena was now sat next to her on the desk and she was reaching for Alex’s wine glass.

“What have I told you about calling me Ms Campbell?” Serena asked getting up and locking the office door.

“Well…well I’m sorry Ser..Serena” Alex seemed to lose all control of her words.

“Well Ms Dawson, I guess it’s time for your punishment then.”

Serena slowly walked up to Alex and reaching round her to lock the office door. “Well you have been a naughty girl haven’t you” she said grabbing Alex’s crouch. Serena could feel how wet she was through her scrubs. Alex arched up into Serena’s hand, her eyes blown she thinks she could come right here right here. Serena ran her hand from Alex’s crouch all the way up her stomach to the base of her breasts and then lightly flicking her nipples one at a time. Alex threw her head back finding it almost impossible to grab Serena and fuck her there on the edge of her desk.

“You see Ms Dawson if there’s one thing I’m good at it is given out punishment, they only question is how bad have you been?” Serena said removing her blouse and throwing it over the computer screen. “I’ve been very bad Ms Campbell and I deserve to be punished.” Alex replied biting her lip. She reached for the hem of her shirt. “Don’t you dare, did I say you could do that” Serena barked back. “You know what you’re going to do Ms Dawson?”.

“No what?” Alex replied, she could feel the heat building a few flicks of her clit and she would come hard and fast.

“You’re going to sit there like a good little girl and you’re going to watch” Came the reply. Serena then took the opportunity to pull Alex’s scrub bottoms off and discard them, her lace underwear soon followed, thrown over Serena’s shoulder. “I want to see you come” Alex just sat there mesmerised by the new side of Serena she hadn’t seen. Alex lent back on her arms, spread her legs and waited. “Perfect” Serena said “Don’t you dare move or I will stop, got it?” All Alex could manage was a nod.

Serena then took a step back and removed her top swiftly followed by her bra, her hand then shot down into her heat and her fingers ran through her wetness, only stopping to flick her clit, a small moan escaping from her lips. That small action alone sent shivers through Alex she attempted to grind against the desk desperate for some contact any.

Serena dragged her fingers all the way up to her breast and began to slowly massage her breast. “This could have been your hand if you have not been such a bad girl” Serena hissed Alex’s hips bucked longing for a bit of friction, anything to satisfy her need. Alex let out a low deep groan.

Serena then reached into her draws and pulled out a silk scarf. “Now Ms Dawson your punishment, you’re going to let me place this blindfold on you and you going to lay back on this desk and let me punish you.” It was more of a command than a question, Alex obeyed. Her wetness pooling on the desk. Serena took a step back un buttoning her trousers and letting them fall to the ground, she took Alex’s hand and ran her fingers through her wetness. “Fuck Serena, it think i’m going to cum” Alex exclaimed reaching inside Serena panties searching her clit, she could not resist flicking it, Serena let out a loud growl head flying back.

“No” Serena exclaimed stepping back away from Alex’s skillful fingers, Serena reached for the blind fold and removed it. “Bad move Ms Dawson, see I was going to fuck you right there on my desk but now, you know what I’m going to do?”

“What?” 

Serena then took Alex’s hand and tied them behind her back and grabbed her elbow, pulled her up, spun her round and sat her down on the chairs opposite.

“I’m going to fuck myself and you’re going to watch me come all over my fingers, and there’s nothing you can do about it” Serena said with a glint in her eyes.

Alex just sat there unable to move, she was so turned on and ready to cum, all she could think off was Serena’s long slender fingers thrusting up into herself. Alex’s body shook with pleasure, she could feel her orgasm building. 

Serena sat on the edge of her desk, pulling Alex closer so she could reach Alex’s core with her foot. Serena placed her feet on Alex’s legs, she could see the other women’s desire and it only made her want her more. 

“So Ms Dawson, tell me what you would do to me if only I would let you?”

“Well..” Alex swallows hard, her clit throbbing just from the thought of Serena touching herself. “first I would take your breast in my hand and squeeze, digging my nails in until you beg me to stop.”

“like this” Serena follows her instructions. Alex nods “I would then take you nipple and roll it between my fingers, I would flick it while reaching for you other breast taking the nipple between by fingers and pull on it.”. Serena followed Alex’s instructions to the letter as she threw her head back suppressing a moan, “fuck Alex fuck” was all Serena could manage.

Alex continued Serena’s toes digging into Alex’s legs. “Well next I would take my time touching every inch of you, stopping just short of your bush”. Serena ran her hands slowly over her body, as she was doing that she moved one of her feet to lightly brush over Alex’s bush. Alex’s hips bucked trying to get Serena’s foot to part her folds. “Not yet Ms Dawson, patients.” Serena planted her foot between Alex’s legs resting on the seat. “Fuck the seat is soaked.” Serena felt a bolt shoot though her and it made her hips buck “So, what would you do next?”

“I would take my fingers and run them through you slick wet folds” Serena followed her instructions. “Don’t think about touching your clit” Alex teased, Serena obeyed. Serena mirrored what the fingers were doing with her foot on Alex’s heat. “Oh Serena yes.” Alex was pushing her hips into her foot. “Next I would take 2 of my fingers and thrust them into you deep and slow” Serena thrust 2 fingers into herself and let out a moan. Alex could feel she was close she was finding it hard to hold back. “Faster, faster, fuck Serena” Serena upped the pace grinding her hips in rhyme with her fingers she found Alex’s clit with her foot and rubbed it gently. “Flick your clit now, I’m going to cum.” Alex demanded as her head flew back.

“Look at me” Alex obeyed. Serena thrusted her fingers deeper. “Fuck I’m Cumming” Serena moaned as she contracted around her fingers and gushed hard, her whole body tensed. Almost at the same time Alex came hard and fast eyes blown her whole body shaking. “That..oh my god…I’ve never…that’s never” was all Alex could manage. She had never climaxed like that before her body shaking with after shocks.

Serena regained her sense and moved her foot that had just fucked Alex and moved it up to her mouth. “Lick it, lick it clean” Alex of course followed her instructions. Once Alex had licked all her juices off Serena, Serena commanded “Now stand up and come her and clear up your mess Ms Dawson”. Alex knelt down between Serena’s legs, ‘payback’ Alex thought as she took her tongue and parted her folds running her tongue all the way up to Serena’s clit stopping just short, she repeated this a few times always stopping short of Serena’s clit. Serena let out a deep long groan, wanted nothing more than Alex to bit down on her clit and flick it.

Alex suddenly stood up and un tied her hands. “All clean” she smugly said pulling on her scrub top. “What the.. get back down there” Serena said. “Nope” came the reply as Alex pulled on her scrub bottoms, she bent down and licked Serena one final time, making sure she flicked her clit. Serena shuddered “This isn’t over Ms Dawson”. “Till next time Ms Campbell” Alex said as she slipped out of the office with a smug grin on her face, fully knowing she would pay for that later. As Alex headed out to her car a few minutes later she pulled out her phone and type out a text to Serena; "Dinner was tasty...shame I couldn't manage dessert. A xx"


	5. Chapter 5

2 days later.

Alex phone buzzed, “Got room for dessert yet? S xx”

Alex smiled as she typed a reply “I could eat A xx”

Serena was sat in her office and could see Alex stood at the nurse’s station through the blinds and can’t help but smile when Alex read her reply.

“I might even let you use your hands this time S xx” Alex couldn’t help but lick her lips and bite her bottom lip.

“Oh Ms Campbell you do spoil me A xx” Alex knew the text would get reaction from Serena.

“Right you’ve done it now S xx”

Serena got up from her chair and closed the blinds in the office and headed for the door, she took a deep breath and opened the door and in her most angry, disapproving voice she shouted, “Ms Dawson my office now.” Alex found it almost impossible to keep a straight face, as she headed over to the office door she could not help but stick her tongue out and wiggle it. Serena let Alex enter the office first and made a point of saying “Sit there.” As she slammed the door. Serena never got a chance to take another step, Alex grabbed her and pushed her up against the filling cabinet. 

And that’s how it continued for 6 weeks, a series of texts followed by a quickie in the office, on call room, supply closet, toilets at Alibies and even in one of the side rooms.

Even though what they have meant to be just about sex but without even noticing they become a lot closer. It starts off with little conversations while they are in theatre, they trade stories of surgeries and difficult patients. Although most of them come from Alex and her time in the forces, Serena doesn’t mind, she loves the tone of Alex’s voice. Soon they start having coffee breaks together, still telling stories about interesting surgeries only now it was less about the patients and more about how they felt and what they did, but the conversation was still about work and not their private lives or their families. 

Until one day they were sat eating lunch in Serena’s office, unknowingly gazing into each other’s eyes. Alex broke the rules, she asked about Jason, Serena didn’t realise but she found herself telling Alex all about Jason, his mum and how Serena never knew anything about them until recently. Looking back now Alex realises that was the day she fell in love with Serena, kind, gentle, loving Serena. So these lunch ‘dates’ continued and they learned more and more about each other. Alex confessed how the reason she stayed in the army was because she was scared to settle down and face life. Anyone looking at them would think they were just good friends, and not helplessly in love with each other and two stupid to see it.

 

A few hours after the last text, Alex was sat outside on a bench lost in thought, thinking of Serena of course, it’s always Serena. Alex was always good at the no strings attached friends with benefits so to speak, and she was good at it. Alex never found someone who she wanted to share her life with and do the boring domestic things, that’s why she loved the army so much, it gave her an excuse not to settle anywhere and keep moving. But when she met Serena it did something to her, something changed, what started out as friends with benefits was quickly turning into something better something deeper and it scared her this feeling. Alex dreamed about waking up next to Serena, bringing her breakfast in bed, doing the weekly shop. Is this love she thought, every time she see’s Serena her heart skips a beat and a knot forms in her belly, it must be love. ‘I love Serena Campbell’ she thinks to herself.

“So who’s the lucky lady then?” Fletch prods Alex.

“Excuse me” Alex replies is she that easy to read.

“That look, you’ve been walking around with that lost puppy look all week. So what’s her name then?”

“Am I that easy to read?” Alex took a deep breath ‘he’s not going to let this go is he’ she thinks. “Her names Se…Sarah, I met her just after I started here in fact it was my first day.” Alex felt good finally being able to talk about it.

“So it’s serious then is it?”

“Yes..well no. I want it to be, I’ve fallen hard for her fletch” Alex sighed “But we agreed it was only about scratching an itch so to speak, no feelings, no stings. It kills me every time I have to let her go.”

“So tell her then, tell her how you feel.”

“It’s not that easy Fletch, we agreed at the start it was just a bit of fun, it was what we agreed, after all I’ve never been one for serious relationships. I don’t want to lose her, even if it means breaking my own heart.” Alex was close to tears.

“You have to tell her, if there’s one thing I have learnt, it’s live each day as if it’s your last, no regrets. Tell her and if she runs then she doesn’t deserve you.” Fletch put his arm around Alex. “You never know she might feel the same way. And hey if she feels the same you can bring her the Alibies and we will scare her off for you.” Fletch joked. “Come on you lets head back, the ward can’t survive without me for too long.”

A few hours later Fletch, Serena and Alex are all stood at the nurses station. “So are you going to tell her how you feel then Alex” Fletch asks. “Come again” Alex says not sure what Fletch is talking about. “Sarah... are you going to tell her you love her, you fool”. Alex looks over at Serena the look on her face breaks Alex’s heart in that moment, her whole world has just fallen around her. Serena tries her best not to look heartbroken after all what they had was just a bit of fun. “You kept that quite Alex congratulations” Was all Serena could manage. “Well I best get on.” With that Serena pretty much ran out of the ward towards the roof. Alex watched her go and was about to run after her, but just as she turned around someone called out, “Ms Dawson your needed in theatre.” 

Serena finally made it to the roof she promptly burst in to tears and collapsed onto the steps. How could she be so stupid as to full in love with Alex, beautiful. perfect Alex. She was never meant to fall for her it was only a bit of fun that’s what they agreed. Serena had never felt this way about anyone not even Edward or Bernie for that matter. Serena sat there sobbing. her heart is in pieces and she’s not sure if she had the strength to pick up the pieces not this time. Serena sat there for a while trying to calm herself down, trying to convince herself she did not need anyone especially not Alex. Her pager buzzed so she stood up wiped away her tears, took a deep breath, re-composed herself and headed back down to the ward.


	6. Chapter 6

For the next 3 weeks Serena did her best to avoid Alex, it was even too painful to just look at her. When Serena did talk to Alex it was purely to do with work and she kept the conversation short and sweet. Serena always kept the conversation short because she knew that the longer she spoke to the other women the harder it would be not to tell her that she was her world, her reason for staying at Holby. 

Alex tried to speak to Serena for the first week but all she got was short sharp Sindy responses, each time a small part of her died, so she stopped. Alex took every opportunity to help out on other wards and even called in some favours so she could avoid Serena. Still every morning Alex arrived at work she headed to pulses to get her morning coffee where she had struck up a friendship with one of the waitresses. Alex had a plan to try and win Serena round. She asked for the waitresses help, she had a plan to at least make Serena’s day a little better. Alex had ensured that every day Serena arrived at the hospital and headed to pulses for her morning coffee she would get ‘one on the house’. 

Serena tried her best to find out who was responsible but she could not, everyone she asked had no idea. The only person she had not asked was Alex, but surely it couldn’t be, not after how she had treated her, although she hoped it was. She finally gave up trying to find out and she just enjoyed the fact that someone cared so much about her to make sure she got her morning coffee fix.

Alex was falling further and further into to a never-ending pit of despair, everywhere she looked it reminded her of Serena. One day after a long stressful day in theatre Alex walked back onto the ward and Serena walked straight passed her and blanked her, acted as if she never existed. That was the last straw and Alex decided she had enough. She turned around and followed Serena into her office and closed the door behind her, Serena was slumped in her chair. “So now I don’t even exist now?” Alex was mad, this had been building for a long time. “What were you hoping…if you ignore me I will just disappear. “Alex no” Serena said. But Alex was not listening.

“Guess you have no use for me now, you’ve had your fun now on to the next unknowing victim.” Alex took a deep breath and continued. “You know what Serena this may have not meant anything to you, but it did to me… it still does. For the first time ever you made me want more…want you, but I guess I was being stupid, all you do is use people and then discard them, your toxic Serena you know that right? Maybe your ex was on to something, running for the hills, maybe I should join her.” With that Alex stormed out of the office. 

That night Alex headed out, she went into the first bar and sat at the bar “Whiskey, double.” Alex barked at the barman. 4 whiskeys later Alex noticed the blonde staring at her from across the bar. Alex walked over to the blonde and put her arm around the blonde’s waist and whispered in her ear, “can I buy you a drink?” “G & T” Alex sat down next to the blonde and chatted to her for a while her hand running up and down the blondes thigh and under the hem on her skirt. Alex whispered in her ear “meet me out back”. With that Alex headed outside and the Blonde followed. Alex fucked her against the wall behind the bar, kissed her and left, she never let the blonde touch her. She sorted herself out a few minutes later, Cumming while moaning Serena’s name. 

 

This continued night after night, a different bar, different girls each night, some nights there would be more than one, on night she had 3. With each night, she needed less and less alcohol, until she didn’t drink she just went in search of a quick release, she just needed to feel someone anyone, every time imagining it was Serena there with her. Each night getting back later and later, in the end she would just head straight to hospital and slept in the on call room. 

Meanwhile Serena was also struggling to keep it together, she wasn’t sleeping or eating and it was starting to affect her work she couldn’t focus, small mistakes were creeping in but thankfully she always managed to catch her mistakes before it was too late. 

One night she pulled out her phone and typed out a text to Alex; I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you Alex I can’t function without you S xx. Serena tried to press send but resisted, if Alex was happy with Sarah Serena was happy, but she couldn’t shake Alex’s outburst from her mind, it sounded to her like Alex was not with Sarah who ever she was, after a little thought she decided that Alex would had said something she would have, wouldn’t she. Serena was aimlessly browsing through her phone shiraz in hand she came across Robbie’s number and she tapped out a message, “Fancy a drink, Serena xx” Robbie didn’t take long to reply. ”How about The Crown in an hour? I’ve missed you. R xx”. 

One hour later they were sat across from each other in the pub, they talked for hours and Serena couldn’t help but flirt with him and couldn’t resist placing he hand on his thigh. If she can’t have Alex then Robbie would be a good second best. Robbie couldn’t believe his luck he had never stopped loving Serena and had thought he had missed his chance, he was not going to let her go this time. Serena was trying to her best to get Alex out of her head but she could not shift her from her thoughts. 2 bottles of shiraz later and finally she had forgotten Alex. Last orders were called for and Robbie took the bull by the horns, now or never he thought. “So Serena do you want to come back to mine for a night cap.” Serena replies “Well there’s an offer I can’t refuse” she said raising her eyebrow.

 

The next morning Serena wakes up in a strange room, the last thing she remembers is typing out the text to Alex. Her heart skips a beat thinking that this is Alex’s room and that she finally told Alex how she felt. She turned over and her faced dropped it was not Alex laid next to her but Robbie. Serena started to remember bits of last night and felt guilty. Before Robbie had a chance to wake up Serena had gathered up her clothes and left him a note, “Thanks for last night, I enjoyed myself, sorry I had to leave had to go to work S”. with that she dressed and headed home to change.

Serena managed somehow to make it into work on time. She was sat at the nurse’s station nursing a hangover when Morven approached, “Good night last night?” Knowing Alex was stood behind her she replied “Yes actually, I went out with Robbie last night and let’s just say I never made it home last night.” “There’s life in the old dog yet.” Morven replied. Alex couldn’t believe what Serena had just said. Serena had told her over one of their lunch dates all about Robbie and how he didn’t accept Jason, and it made her blood boil.

Serena decided Robbie was a good second choice and she decided she could settle for Robbie. Two weeks passed and Serena found herself wrapped in Robbie’s arms on his sofa, all Serena could think about was Alex always Alex. “Serena you know I’ve never been happier than I am now, you make me a better person, I love you, I always have.” Serena should have been happy but it was the wrong person saying the right words, she couldn’t string him along anymore. “Robbie you know I’m extremely found of you and we could have a wonderful life.” Serena felt terrible he didn’t deserve this.

“But?” Robbie replied. Serena took a deep breath “But there’s someone else I’m in love with.”

“So why are you not with them?” Robbie asks “Well it is beyond complicated. I’m sorry Robbie I can’t string you along anymore, it just wouldn’t be fair.” With that Serena kissed Robbie on the cheek and left.

The next day Serena is sat on the ward talking to Morven. “So how’s it going with Robbie?” Morven asks. “It’s not we decided it was not a good idea, we were never good for each other.” Serena replied hoping Alex would be in ear shot but for the first time she was not and Serena cursed at herself.

A few hours later Alex enters Serena’s office, she looks beaten and worn out.

Alex takes a deep breath. “I’m thought you should be the first to know I will be moving on soon.”

 

“what? why?” Serena couldn’t believe this was happening again. “Alex you can’t leave, please don’t, what about the trauma unit we needed you.” What Serena really want to say was ‘don’t leave I need you’.

 

“Serena the unit was fine before me and it will be fine without me.” What Alex really wanted to say was ‘I don’t care about the unit, all I want is you, I love you Serena’. Alex was struggling to hold back her tears, the lump in her throat getting bigger.

Serena sighed, maybe this was a battle she was never going to win. “So when are you leaving then?” “Today” Alex replied. “Alex please rethink this don’t leave, we need you.” Serena is pleading with Alex now, standing in front of her she went to grab Alex’s hand, Alex pulled her hand away and said “Please don’t, us… this it was only ever a bit of fun you know that.” Alex wished she had the courage to tell Serena that she loved her. Serena leaned into kiss Alex, if she couldn’t tell her how she feels, she will show her.

“I can’t, I just can’t” Alex pulls away, tears starting to fall. She turns and runs out of the office.


	7. Chapter 7

“No, no, no not again Campbell.” Serena mutters to herself, jumping up out of her chair, grabs her coat and heads off to find Alex. “Have you seen Ms Dawson?” She asks Raf, who by the looks of things has just come back from a pulses run. “Yah she was heading home by the looks of things, although she didn’t look to happy. Is everything ok?” came his response. “I have fucked it all up Raf, I’ve lost her.” Serena says turning and heading for the car park.

Serena finds Alex leaning up against her car, eyes squeezed tight, fists clenched, she’s shaking, fighting the urge to run back into to the ward and telling Serena that she loves her, she’s always loved her. What’s the point in that she thinks, Serena made her choice she didn’t choose her, after all Alex was just a bit of fun, Serena would have forgotten her in a few days. 

“Alex” Serena says softly. “If you’ve come for round two you wasting your time, I’ve got nothing more to say to you. So why don’t you piss off back to your precious ward and make someone else fall in love with you only for you to break their heart like you have mine.” Alex realised what she had said but it was too late, Serena didn’t deserve to know that, Alex dropped her head. “Just piss off will you.” She barked. 

Serena didn’t realise what Alex had just said, she was too busy trying to think about what she wanted to say. She took a deep breath. “Alex look at me…. open your eyes damn it.” Alex finally complies, eyes blinking Serena slowly coming into focus. God she’s beautiful Alex thought staring into her eyes. “Please don’t leave, please say” Serena pleads taking hold of Alex’s hands. “What’s the point in staying I have nothing to stay for” Alex feels like she has just driven an arrow through her own heart. “Stay for me…. for us, stay for us.” Serena can feel tears rolling down her face. “For us” Alex barks back “There is no us there never was, all I ever was to you was a quick fuck when you were board or stressed, I’m nothing to you and you know it.” Alex didn’t mean that not one bit but she knew the only way she could get Serena to listen and let her go was to lie. 

“Give me one reason to stay just one, and because the hospital needs you is not a good enough reason?”

“Alex stay becau…you see…” Serena was struggling to string even 2 words together, she’s never been like this before usually you can’t shut her up. She tries again “I…Alex I lo… Oh god why’s this so hard, you see the thing is…” Alex cuts her off. “You see there’s not one reason you can think off for me to stay.” Alex knew then it that moment that she made the right decision, Serena had her chance and she clearly doesn’t feel the same way. Alex pulls her hands away and turns towards the car door.  
“Alex don’t go” Serena says forcefully. “No there’s nothing here for me, you pretty much said so yourself.” Alex shouts back. “I love you.” Serena shouts finally managing to get the words out. “What?” Alex replies turning around, unsure if she really just heard Serena say she loves her, she shakes her head convincing herself she miss heard.   
Serena walks up to Alex takes a deep breath, “I love the way you frown when you are doing your paperwork, I love the way you fiddle with the bottom of your top when your nervous.” She says batting Alex’s hand away from the bottom of the jacket. “I love the way you stare at me when you think I don’t see you and the way you try to hide it when I catch you.” Serena takes Alex’s hands in hers “I love the way our hands fit perfectly together. I love the thought of waking up next to you every morning and hate the fact it may never happen. I love the way you make me a better person…a better doctor. I love the way even when I’m having a bad day one smile from you cheers me up. I love that every morning you buy me a coffee. But most of all Alex I just love you.” 

They both stand there in silence for a few seconds. Alex struggling to take in what Serena has just said to her. “Is that enough reasons to stay?” Serena jokes. Alex stands there just looking at their fingers intertwined in pure disbelief she loves me, she loves me was all she could think off. “Alex, Alex you there Alex” Serena is saying with that Alex snaps out of it, “I, you, us…”. “Shit you don’t feel the same do you, I should never have come out here, Alex I’m sorry”. Serena turns to leave, she has managed to lose the one good thing in her life, all because she was not brave enough to tell her how she felt sooner. Then Serena finally registered what Alex had said just before she declared her love for Alex. “You love me.” Serena said under her breath, “you love me.”

It was then Alex decides actions speak louder than words she pushes Serena against the side of the car and kisses her hard parting her lips and searching for her tongue. Alex reached for the buttons on Serena’s trousers. Serena batted her hand away. “No, not like this, not anymore, I want you to make love to me, no more of this a quick fuck whenever we get a chance business.” Serena hissed into Alex’s mouth. “Ok ok, so what now then.” Alex asks pulling away. “Well Ms Dawson I believe I have a shift to finish and you have to go and see Mr Hanssen and you have to go and get your job back.” “So lead on the Ms Campbell.” Alex says in between kisses. With one last deep longing kiss they head back to the hospital hand in hand.

A few hours pass and Serena is still sat at her desk trying to do her paperwork, but getting hopelessly distracted by thoughts of the women she loves. She was so deep in thought she did not hear the office door open and Alex poke her head round the door, smiling like a Cheshire cat. “Looks like you stuck with me now.” She says walking up to Serena bending down to lay kiss on her forehead, “It’s a good job I love you then” Serena jokes. “Someone has to.” Looking at her watch, “I believe it’s time for me to take you out for dinner Ms Campbell.” “About bloody time, it’s only taken you 4 months” she jokes. “Oh and one last thing, just so you know I’m not a cheap date”. “Damn I better call and cancel our table at McDonalds then” Alex jokes as they leave the office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's more to come. Please let me know what you think of this so far.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think.


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